Out for a stroll, a man saw an cheerful old lady sitting on her front porch and stopped for a chat. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?”

“Well, Mister, I smoke 4 packs a day. Then before I go to bed, I smoke some pot. Also, I drink a bottle of Jack Daniels at least once a week, and eat only junk food. On the weekends I supplement all that with uppers and crash with sleeping pills and more whiskey. Oh, and I hate exercise so I don’t do it. Ever.”

The man is astonished. “Wow. That’s amazing, that at your age you can do all that! If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”

“Twenty six.”