While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, [...]

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A father noticed that his young son was spending entirely too much time playing video games. In an effort to motivate the boy to pay more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, “When Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”
The son replied, “Well, Dad, [...]

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Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A God-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
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Al Gore is jogging one morning and sees a [...]

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A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… behind him.
Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.
BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing [...]

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Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, man.
Officer: That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again.
Officer: Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
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So, two chickens walk up to the desk at a library and say, “Buk Buk Buk.” The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and produces three books for them. The chickens take the books and leave.
A few hours later, the same two chickens, now a bit flustered, return to the librarian and say, [...]

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A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a cast around his torso. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, [...]

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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll pass [...]

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A guy is having a few drinks in a bar.
He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, “Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?”
The big woman replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. Sure, I’m blonde, and six feet tall, 210 lbs. and I’m a professional [...]

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A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor asks.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
Related PostsLincolnA father noticed that his young son was spending entirely too much time playing video games. In an e…Two [...]

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