A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

The pirate raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? I feel fine.”

“Um, what about the wooden leg? As I recall, you didn’t have that last time you were here.”

The pirate nodded, “Oh, yeah. Well, we were in a raging battle at sea and a cannon blasted part of my leg off, but I’m fine now.”

“Well… alright, but still, you look awful. What about the hook — what happened to your hand?”

“As we boarded ship during another battle it was cut off in a wild sword fight. Afterwards I had it fitted with a hook, so I’m fine. Really.”

Still unsatisfied, the bartender motioned towards his patron’s face. “What about the eye patch?”

“Oh, that. One day we were at sea and it was a beautiful sunny day. A flock of gulls flew over. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye.”

After a moment, the bartender stammered, “Hold on. You can’t lose an eye just from bird crap.”

“Normally, not. But it was my first day with the hook.”