So a skeleton walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “Gimme a beer. And a mop.”
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Bill Clinton gets on an elevator with one of the Secret Service guys. Clinton is carrying a little puppy and says to the Secret Service agent, “What do you think of this puppy? I got him for Hillary.”
Secret Service guy says, “Good trade, sir.”
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Q: What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?
A: Eileen.
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Q: Why can’t the Buddha vacuum in the corner?
A: Because he has no attatchments.
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Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?
A: He felt his presents.
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make [...]

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A guy walks into a bar.
“Ow!”
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A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Got any grapes?” The bartender says, “No. This is a bar and we don’t sell grapes.” The duck leaves.
The next day, the duck heads back to the bar and asks, “Got any grapes?” The bartender says, “I told you yeaterday. This is a bar and [...]

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Two dyslexics walk into a bra.
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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course”, comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland”, replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to [...]

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